The main reason why I felt so confused and helpless those first few weeks with Ella was because everyone was giving me advice based on their own experiences and I didn't know who to believe. I easily ask people's advice and usually learn a lot from it. But this was just overload and lots of it was contradictory of course.
Now I feel more confident about trusting my own judgement and instinct, some people praise me for it and others don't agree (which is ok) and even ridicule me (which is not ok!).
I was at a dinner party Thursday and was getting Ella to sleep in her stroller by doing the putting her down, picking her up to calm her when she cried, putting her down again routine. When I was putting her down for the 5th or so time, one of the guests came over and asked me if I wanted her to hold the baby. I said no, thanks (I thought it was pretty obvious that I didn't want anyone to hold her, but instead was trying to get her to sleep in the stroller). Then she stuck her head in the stroller, grabbed Ella's hand and started cooing at her. I had to tell her to please not stimulate the baby. She walked away, obviously offended and I could hear her go "Don't touch the baby, don't touch the baby" in a nagging voice, making fun of me. I got really peed off by that. Not only did she undermine my parental authority by interfering, she even ridiculed me! As if I was some sort of a "baby hog".
My child is not some doll to pass around whenever someone wants to play with her, damnit!
So, this was my first experience with being criticised as a parent. I'm sure there's lots more (and worse) of that to come.
Fortunately some of the other people there told me that they saw what huge progress I had made in a few days time and thought I was doing a great job and asked me to please stick with it and ignore everyone else.
The family day care lady I went to see yesterday seemed a bit horrified when I said I was trying to get Ella used to being fed only every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. When she then later said something about my baby being so good for her age and her own kids at that age being so difficult, I thought: "Nah, this will never work. We obviously have very different ideas about child rearing." It may be true that you cannot spoil a baby, but that doesn't mean you should not try to give them some direction and structure. They're way too small to know what's good for them!
I hope the other family day care person I have to check out will be what I'm after: someone who treats the kids with affection AND authority. And someone who knows the meaning of the word consistency...
Now I feel more confident about trusting my own judgement and instinct, some people praise me for it and others don't agree (which is ok) and even ridicule me (which is not ok!).
I was at a dinner party Thursday and was getting Ella to sleep in her stroller by doing the putting her down, picking her up to calm her when she cried, putting her down again routine. When I was putting her down for the 5th or so time, one of the guests came over and asked me if I wanted her to hold the baby. I said no, thanks (I thought it was pretty obvious that I didn't want anyone to hold her, but instead was trying to get her to sleep in the stroller). Then she stuck her head in the stroller, grabbed Ella's hand and started cooing at her. I had to tell her to please not stimulate the baby. She walked away, obviously offended and I could hear her go "Don't touch the baby, don't touch the baby" in a nagging voice, making fun of me. I got really peed off by that. Not only did she undermine my parental authority by interfering, she even ridiculed me! As if I was some sort of a "baby hog".
My child is not some doll to pass around whenever someone wants to play with her, damnit!
So, this was my first experience with being criticised as a parent. I'm sure there's lots more (and worse) of that to come.
Fortunately some of the other people there told me that they saw what huge progress I had made in a few days time and thought I was doing a great job and asked me to please stick with it and ignore everyone else.
The family day care lady I went to see yesterday seemed a bit horrified when I said I was trying to get Ella used to being fed only every 2 1/2 to 3 hours. When she then later said something about my baby being so good for her age and her own kids at that age being so difficult, I thought: "Nah, this will never work. We obviously have very different ideas about child rearing." It may be true that you cannot spoil a baby, but that doesn't mean you should not try to give them some direction and structure. They're way too small to know what's good for them!
I hope the other family day care person I have to check out will be what I'm after: someone who treats the kids with affection AND authority. And someone who knows the meaning of the word consistency...
Lin
