I've read so much about bonding. About how some parents get overwhelmed by love as soon as they lay eyes on their newborn, and how for others it can take much longer. I've read about the guilt of those who take a bit longer to bond. I know it's all normal.
But what is this bonding? How am I supposed to feel? When people ask me "if I bonded with Ella yet", I don't know what to reply.
And that does make me feel like a failure, and guilty about all the negative thoughts I get about Ella, and worried that I don't love her enough and that it will scar her for life.
Most of my time seems to be taken up by trying to make her stop crying and get her to sleep. Apart from the 45 minute feeds every 3 hours of course. There just doesn't seem to be much time to think about love, let alone to express it.
The best times are when she is fast asleep at night and I can look at her and see how perfect she is.
And then when she is finally fast asleep, it dawns on me how hard it is and will be to be a single mum. Cause I would love to then go for a nice walk with the dog, or do my shopping or go to the multicultural festival for an hour. But then I'm stuck at home with my own thoughts and only the phone to keep me company.
And lots of the time I'm either in tears or I just stare into the distance from tiredness. I'm going insane...
But what is this bonding? How am I supposed to feel? When people ask me "if I bonded with Ella yet", I don't know what to reply.
And that does make me feel like a failure, and guilty about all the negative thoughts I get about Ella, and worried that I don't love her enough and that it will scar her for life.
Most of my time seems to be taken up by trying to make her stop crying and get her to sleep. Apart from the 45 minute feeds every 3 hours of course. There just doesn't seem to be much time to think about love, let alone to express it.
The best times are when she is fast asleep at night and I can look at her and see how perfect she is.
And then when she is finally fast asleep, it dawns on me how hard it is and will be to be a single mum. Cause I would love to then go for a nice walk with the dog, or do my shopping or go to the multicultural festival for an hour. But then I'm stuck at home with my own thoughts and only the phone to keep me company.
And lots of the time I'm either in tears or I just stare into the distance from tiredness. I'm going insane...
Lin
